trying....

...in both senses of the word.
Trying to make the days safe and happy for
all of us...and also finding it so trying sometimes.

We have had many good days lately, days
when my mom offered to the dishes (something
that she always took on as her chore when she came
to visit, but something she hasn't thought to do in
all these months she has been with us) She
even thought to take in the wash
one evening.






But this morning, she came to breakfast in a confused
state, saying things that didn't quite make sense, finding
even the cereal box heavy to lift. She has remained so
throughout this day. I just fixed us a lunch full of protein
and veggies and she is off for a nap...and I can't help
but hope that she will wake up in a clearer state
of mind.

This is the most trying-as in "hard to endure"-part
of living with dementia....not knowing what each day
will bring and what I will have to bring to it to make
the best of it. I am working on acceptance, but am
still in the place where it strikes dread in my heart
when my dear mother says and does things that don't
make sense. Dread and fear are natural reactions,
I know, but they aren't helpful companions and I
am glad to leave them behind as quickly
as I am able.