Such a long time since I last wrote...but all has been pretty calm and steady. Not to say that things are easy, as Mom is obviously more confused these days...not recognizing everyday objects for what they are, needing much more cuing and help with little things...nothing that would be considered abnormal for her condition...but sad and-somehow-always surprising.
Lots of small adjustments are needed in so many ways...our routines, the arrangement of things, and especially the adjusting of my perspectives and attitudes. Just tonight, as I was tucking Mom in bed (I don't always, but tonight she seemed to need the cherishing), she asked about "those people". "What people do you mean," I asked. "The people who live here," she responded. A tiny arrow to my heart...for she hasn't used the terms "them" and "they" for her beloved family in a long time. When that happens, it always immediately shifts the scene, from one where I imagine her knowing her daughter is tucking her in to bed, and fixing her a tasty supper and finding an old movie she would like to see....but no...it seems something different to Mom sometimes.
But atleast I can handle all of this better this year than the year before...hopefully not by bearing and burying the feelings that come up, but by quickly recognizing and accepting them, doing what I can to help Mom when there is something to help and then turning my focus back to all my pursuits (beyond caring for Mom). These have kept me busy and writing elsewhere and probably will continue to do so for awhile...but I will always come back here when I need to.
And even if I am not writing here, I am still thinking of those who read here and who are caring for their dear ones, whatever the circumstances...and sending love and strength.