starting again...

Isn't it lovely how my mom wrote the inscription for my birthday card along the feather? I treasure the bits of creativity and thoughtfulness that come our way from Mom, tho' in a much smaller stream than they used to.

Inside the card it says "Happy Days to you, my lovely doter" "With love, Mom". Of course, the first thing I noticed was "doter"...her spelling is beginning to slip, as are her spoken words more often now. I know my husband made the card and probably prompted most of the wording, but it is a beautiful wish, lovingly written and so precious to me.

I have been rearranging in my life lately...furniture in our rooms...patterns and rhythms for my days. I am in the third year now taking care of my mom (not counting the years leading up to it with all their confusion and wondering and figuring out and taking care of Mom for days or weeks or months at a time), and I am getting better at seeing what I need to do...for both of us...for all of us.

We are only going into town once a week now, an enjoyable afternoon at Respite care for Mom and some time alone at the library or coffee shop and errands for me. Two days in town was one too many for me. Too many hours to fill, to find friendly places to hang out, too much driving...when I just want to be home-writing, reading, tending home and garden and family, watching the clouds and listening the birds and breezes, continuing to figure things out...all the things it takes for me to stay hopeful and healthy. Mom's love of sleep (a lifelong passion that I have inherited!) makes it possible to find enough hours in the day for a goodly amount of nourishing things. And we are more often able, then, to have Mom in the care of a wonderful friend in town for an overnight or two a month...time to go out with my menfolk without worry, time to be alone at home with some uninterrupted hours and without the hum of the monitor. 

And I've been rebalancing my time online. Since I am writing so much at my new creative venture, I will be writing less at The Bower, and strangely, more here. This feels important enough to keep trying to find the time for. Because tho' life with my mom is fairly steady and serene...it is still the odd, challenging life of living with someone with Alzheimers...and if I can be of any help to anyone else going through this, I want to try to through this little blog...and lately I realize that my dear mother, lovely Lo Padgett, is going through this as she has always gone through life, with alot of grace and humor mixed in with all the sadness and anxiety that come with this disease. It seems right to chronicle it, like her life has been chronicled all along the way (starting with that photo of her in her mother's arms).