Thursday, November 29

wouldn't it be loverly?

(Mom in Hawaii-her favorite place)

We had the thought, now and then in recent days...wouldn't it be lovely (scroll down to the little film at the end of the link) if Mom left on the night of the full moon? The moon that was her special thing...the moon she would watch rise over the water as she gracefully reclined on the chaise on the deck of her home overlooking the bay? The moon that she wore around her neck in gold and diamonds for as long as I can remember? 

My brothers came and went in recent days, and we thought...wouldn't it be lovely if Mom can hang on until my eldest brother, her first-born, can get here? And then we finally knew that he was coming, for only four hours on Wednesday afternoon, and we whispered in Mom's ear again "your Jamie is coming, please stay, if you want to". Then he arrived, and there were tears and caresses, but mostly the very ordinary sharing of coffee and news and questions around the kitchen table, always listening to Mom's rhythmic breath (sounding much as it had for the past few days) through the monitor that sat in the midst of the cups and saucers and other wonderful stuff of everyday life.

Ten or fifteen minutes before my brother needed to leave for the airport, still at the kitchen table, we all heard the change in Mom's breathing. In a moment we were at her bedside, holding her hands, stroking her forehead, looking at her dear face, looking at each other, wondering, waiting...

Then we noticed the light in the room and looked out the windows to see the pink glow of the setting sun amongst the dusky blue....then we realized that the full moon would be rising as the sun set...then we looked at each other again, in the wonder of this most exquisite timing...all the while listening and watching as Mom's breathing slowed and slowed...and our wonder grew...

...for we realized that Mom would go gently....there would be no confusion or fluster or hurry...that all of the Lovely things we had hoped for Mom had come true...and that in addition to all of those Kindnesses...Mom...the best of gift-givers...her gifts always thoughtful, beautifully wrapped and given with such generosity...left us in the gloaming...with the newly-risen moon to light our way through the night...and such peace in our hearts...

(taken this morning)

...and so it remains.

"All I want is a room somewhere,
Far away from the cold night air.
With one enormous chair,
Aow, wouldn't it be loverly?
Lots of choc'lates for me to eat,
Lots of coal makin' lots of 'eat.
Warm face, warm 'ands, warm feet,
Aow, wouldn't it be loverly?
Aow, so loverly sittin' abso-bloomin'-lutely still.
I would never budge 'till spring
Crept over me windowsill.
Someone's 'ead restin' on my knee,
Warm an' tender as 'e can be. 'ho takes good care of me,
Aow, wouldn't it be loverly?"


melissa said...

Such a sweet photo of your mom. And so glad you had more family with you during these past few days.

And I'm sure you're treasuring that little film even more...your confident footsteps and your mom's more hesitant ones. :)

Dori said...

Oh.... deep sigh....

Perfectly, simply, beautiful.

Bella said...

it's so wonderful the timing of things,
wishing you blessings, and peace.

Melissa Wiley said...

This is one of the loveliest things I have ever read. You brought tears to my eyes (again). What a beautiful tribute to a life beautifully lived.


Lynn said...

Oh, I love magical stories such as these. Thank you.

(And on a more mundane note, it was thrilling to see my favorite local coffee in that photo!)

Take good care of yourself, my friend.

Lynn said...

Oh my goodness! I wasn't able to access the video via my iPad earlier, but saw it now when I showed my husband your latest post. You were harmonizing and everything! What a wonderful, wonderful treasure to have and return to again and again. xo

Julie said...

So beautiful...
Oh, how you moved me with your words, Lesley.
So thankful...
So loverly...
xx, Julie

Heather said...

I just happened upon your caregiving blog a few days ago, but I was immediately drawn into these last moments with your mom.
May I tell you that you have inspired me to care for my parents and in-laws in a similar way when and if it becomes necessary. My mother cared for her dad, who suffered from dementia in our home for the last four years of his life. It was a sacrifice of love. May you be content in the memories of your mom and may you know Him, the Prince of Peace this holiday season.

Karen Edmisten said...

Oh, Lesley, this is so beautiful. What a gift you are.

Gracie said...

Oh lesley Your Mom is so pretty I am so sorry that she passed away my prayers are all with you

Lena said...

I never feel that I have the words for these times. They are so personal, and yet, universal. I feel though, that I know how profound a time you are experiencing, and my heart is with you.

Take good care Lesley.